Is that called compromise or just being grown-up about it?

One great early Saturday morning, I found myself watching again a "female-combusted" film; "The Devil Wears Prada". I remember the old feeling the first time I saw that. A typical female problem in the urban cyber era. Where fashion is now acknowledged as a statement. Maybe it has been like that for over centuries, but never in centuries have people had the need to explain why we read "In Style" or how they make "Vogue". It is maybe for some philosophers or scholars is like snoozing your phlegm. But it is actually more than that. Because the first thing the world sees in us is how the way we present ourselves. Because first impression is made by the clothes-the shoes-the whole itsy bitsy fashion we wear. Don’t be a hypocrite, because we give impression firstly by the things we see.

And so, while watching that film, I suddenly had a little thought of presenting myself in an off way to my boyfriend that afternoon. It was a normal black mini skirt, with white tee and grey vest. The accent was the stripes leg warmers that my sister has for quite some time. There is nothing that I thought would draw people’s attention except the leg warmers. And I knew by heart that I would wear it with a comfortable sense of being. I have my deepest attraction toward fashion since I was a kid. Ask my mom and she would likely to tell you how I loved to be dressed up, and how I would be stay still and not moving around much for the sake of the dress and shoes I wore. And paid too much even more when I was in college. It has been known to all of my college friends that I have numbers of different shoes or sandals that I would wear to college. And it has been a standard shotgun rule that everyone in my house always need my opinion about the way they dress up. And so it was not me being brag about it, but everyone knows that I do have my own taste about the way I dress. And they really do like my taste.

All of them but my boyfriend. Because that night he had a problem with my leg warmers. And with the black mini skirt.

This is brand new information for me. Not to mention, that my boyfriend HAS a taste on fashion. No kidding, he has. The typical artsy people. I know that, and I have been living, and working with that kind of people ever since I was 18. Not that all of them have the same taste, but you can sniff that artsy people highly appreciate fashion like they appreciate art. Yet then again, fashion is art.

I am not saying that he doesn’t like the way I dress all the time. He said and I quoted; “Sometimes I don’t like the way you dress.”

When he told me, I was already guessing that. But to actually hearing that was different than to guessing. At first my heart stumped. I was actually, deep down, mad in some level. But hey who am I kidding? Why do I have to be mad at the honesty that has been given to me? It took guts to say something that might hurt others. And it took a big heart for me to let go my anger and listen on his opinions. How could my boyfriend said that? And how could I accept that? Although I did say at the end that I will not always listen to his advices about the way I dress. And I appreciated of the fact that he gave a highlight on his speech that he doesn’t want to change me into someone that I am not. And so we ended the night nicely with a kiss and a smile.

Monday morning, I chatted with a close friend of mine. She told me about what had happened to her on the weekend. And I told her what happened with mine. She had the same respond my ego had. Which is “whoa, you are great Fretty. If I were you I would say; “then what, you are suggesting that I should change for you? Never!”. In my own humble opinion, I believe that my boyfriend doesn’t have any intentions to change the way I am. I believe he needed to say something out of his chest. This was going to hurt me in some level. And it was.

And so my best friend’s reply got me into thinking; am I stupid to be such a big hearted? Should I defense myself and explain who I am and why I dress the way I dress to my boyfriend right after he told me his confession? Is that called compromise or just being grown-up about it?

You know, I had my share with being a total drama-queen when facing problems with the opposite sex. I am not saying that I am not a drama-queen anymore, that character will always be there. Just that the amount has been reduced over time. If someone were to say the things that my boyfriend had said that night to me-long ago, I would reply in a very defensive way. Causing awkward moments, and little wounds in my heart. But somehow the me now have a more developing way of facing problems. Or critics. I learn to compromise. And I learn that patience is one of the greatest weapons of all. Up until the point that I may look being used at. It is a known fact that when you are compromising, you are letting go your ego. And when you are known to others as a compromised person, some might use you for their own benefit. Sometimes I find myself asking what if others have had used me, because of my ability to compromise. But most times I find myself wondering that maybe I am not compromising, but I am becoming a mature-me. I am growing up.

Yet the question is not answered clearly. I just came across with a book that I hope might blown my mind. It is written there;

“It is difficult to show your feelings and just be yourself because for thousands of years you have been told to repress your feelings. It has become part of your collective unconsciousness. For thousands of years you have been told not to be yourself. Be somebody else.”

This part of the book got me to think whether I have been fooling myself and have been someone else that is not me or not. And it also stressed up the previous question. Is the way I react to my boyfriend’s statement called compromise or just being mature about it? And if I am being mature about it, does it mean I am becoming someone else that is not me? And is there anything wrong with being compromise? Is it wrong to be mature? Should we always release our freedom like child-like in every cases? Of course not. If that so, we are feeding our ego too much of a pleasure. And not acknowledging of the fact that we are social being. We need others like others need us. I need my boyfriend’s everything like he needs mine. No man is an island. And if that a man is an island, how could that island survive? An island surely needs the rain to feed its soil. And the air to breeze. So bottom line, all of us need others. And to live together with others, we all need to understand that we are not the same. And learn to cope with it. Maybe compromise is not the right word, because at the sound of it, that word seems to lock ourselves to be the way we are. Maybe letting go some of our egos is actually helping us to be our true self. And being mature about the things that happen to us is not becoming someone else that is not us. It is still us. But with a more develop sense. It is true perhaps, that the older you get, the more time you have passed, the more observe and wiser you become. Being wiser and mature doesn’t mean that we lock our freedom of speech and act. We just have a sense of self-awareness to it. And is it not a freedom to have that sense? A freedom to aware of ourselves. And a freedom to not let go all of our ego.

Am I making any sense?

© frettyaulia, 11.02.08